There are times in your life that art is the only release, even when you do not even realize it is a release for you until after it is complete.
I knew my project as a guest designer for TCW was due Oct 31, and even agreed to this date over 2 months ago, after all it is only a date and my project will be done well before the actually release date (it was done 2 weeks ago), but as I watched my video for the creation of this project I realize my subconscious is desperately seeking a release even if my conscious is not fully aware of what is happening.
My late daughter’s birthday was yesterday, she passed away at the age of 4 months very unexpectedly, and to this day her birthday (she would be 9 years old) and angel day are the hardest days I have to endure. Art has saved me, the release into a world of paint and mediums is my release of my anger, frustration, sadness, longing, and hurt. Everyone always says that art can be the best therapy out there, and even when you are not fully aware of what your heart needs at that moment the art can speak for you, give you that release.
As I watch the progression of my art journal in edit mode while doing my video I see the happy circles of my life and my family, and in that next moment I cut my art in sections, fragment it all into bits. I take those circles and cut them in half, place them upside down and have no semblance of reason, like what happened to my family all those years ago.
My heart breaks for all those of you who have lost a child in any way, in womb or after. That child still is apart of us, she or he is not here and we all remember that day our heart was fractured and never fully healed. I must stay strong for my family, for myself, for my other children, for if I let this sadness over take me I will never return. Art is my therapy, and is has been since they day she left my arms.